Living without Judgement (part one)
A few days ago another motorist cut me up at the exit from a roundabout. He was coming from the wrong lane. He was in the wrong.
I accelerated to avoid an accident as he carved a path toward the rear path of my car. He missed, narrowly. I glanced in my rear view mirror. He was on his mobile phone, oblivious it seemed to the mayhem he nearly caused. He was doubly in the wrong.
I slowed so that he got closer to me. He continued to chat away, unaware. I slowed still further and glowered into the rear view mirror knowing that he would see me; filling the space between us with the full weight of my disdain.
He raised his finger in a gesture loaded with derision and contempt. He was now triply in the wrong; demonstrating neither gratitude, for the effort I had made to avert a collision, nor contrition, for the two previous wrongs he had committed.
And in that moment I judged him. He was ignorant. He was thoughtless. He was careless. He was socially irresponsible. He was arrogant. He was self-centred. He was negligent. He was contemptible.
I was better than he. I was conscientious. I was considerate. I was thoughtful. I was socially responsible. I was safe. I was virtuous.
And so it goes. How many times a day are we caught in these acts of evaluation of others? Of judgement? Many? Yes, all of us, if we are honest.
And it is through these moments that I seek to live without judgement. To work towards a more acceptant way of living. To do this I feel I must first learn to understand the frustration and anger and dissatisfaction that lurks inside of me; that resides inside of all of us, at least at times.
And to achieve this I must learn to accept myself.